My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.