Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.