That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???