saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize