If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
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this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
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please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?