So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
People in love make me want to vomit
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.