Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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