I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
