I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
