Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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