If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
