She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
