I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This baby is an asshole
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
