We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
