Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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