And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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