Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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