before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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