I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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