I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
