We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
send nudes
from the living room?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
