His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
