Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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