Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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