Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
