I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
