After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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