Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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