epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I need moral support for this bender
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
