Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
you made out with another girl for some wings
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
