I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
