I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
