in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
