Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
