he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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