The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
