Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
