It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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