If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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