I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
