I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
