i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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