Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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