i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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