They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
