she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
