Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
