my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
