Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
