dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
