I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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