i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
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We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize