I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
