So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
