how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
