The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
