I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my shit smells like andre
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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