I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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