Me too!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
