Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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