Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
