Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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