I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
