Pants 0. Shit 1.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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