I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
