Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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