You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
