I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
