You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.