If i come over, it means nothing
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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